Just a Little Bit of Political Satire!!!

[AJE]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater
services to the American people.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by
unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels
of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing
order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a
certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side". That's what they call it -the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say
we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side".

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us
that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken
tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it suffered a
serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death
its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken please?

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

[Crys]

bwahahahahahahahahaha

Not having the best morning; I needed the laugh

Though I got a couple strange looks from my coworkers when I started cackling out loud :lol:

[pk]

Ha..what's worse is when you are all alone in the middle of the night and you read something funny! And you are trying to be quiet so you don't wake the house up but you are laughing and can't stop..and the dog comes over and has the 'worried' look dogs get when they don't know if there is something extremely wrong and it makes you laugh more!! Then the dog starts whining..and you have to get the dog to be quiet or she will wake up the other dog, which starts to bark, and then she wakes up the kids, and then the dogs have to go outside...and then, well you get the picture. I try to just read funny things during the day, but sometimes they just sneak up on you when you least expect it! :lol:

[AJE]

Withholding: the government's term for stealing your hard-earned wages before you even see them.

[j10asen]

Originally Posted by AJE

Withholding: the government's term for stealing your hard-earned wages before you even see them.

gee thats funny because I thought the definition was as follows

Withholding: the government's term for redistrubting your wealth to those among us who need it the least.

[Crys]

You know, those two definitions are not mutually exclusive...

The country could make so much more money to fund worthwhile programs like education and space exploration if we would have a lower (like maybe none, or none below $80,000/yr...) income tax and switch instead to a graduated sales tax. No tax on necessities like food, regular sales tax on most items and a luxury tax on yachts, limos, non-farm-use SUVs, 64 carat platinum embossed 18k gold rings... :roll:

I know, you may say I'm a dreamer...

[j10asen]

Originally Posted by Crys

You know, those two definitions are not mutually exclusive...

The country could make so much more money to fund worthwhile programs like education and space exploration if we would have a lower (like maybe none, or none below $80,000/yr...) income tax and switch instead to a graduated sales tax. No tax on necessities like food, regular sales tax on most items and a luxury tax on yachts, limos, non-farm-use SUVs, 64 carat platinum embossed 18k gold rings... :roll:

I know, you may say I'm a dreamer...

and then those who do earn more than 80,000/year become ordained minsiters of management and pay nothing.. no mater what you do, there is always a loophole\backdoor\sidebar\etc. Then again you might add more tax to all those luxurary items but someone gets paid to make them and any drop in sales will have an economic impact on the common workers again. you can not win.

I once read that if all the major nations used 0.5% of their GNP to support third world nations, there would be no third world nations

as far as I know I never saw a loophole help anyone that needed help.
yet we all jump though hoops everyday.....

[Crys]

This is why I see politics and activism as my end-game. I can't believe the sheer... well, I can't think of a better word than stupidty, of the social order we allow ourselves to be hemmed in by. It's either work within the system to change it (politics) or work from the outside (vigilante rebellion a la V for Vendetta).

So long as we don't totally break the system, I'm willing to work within it (though the destruction of habeas corpus is getting close to breaking it irreparably).

I don't ever see myself getting elected though. When you start talking practical solutions that value all people, not just the rich, it starts sounding like socialism to a lot of people (even though it really isn't). I also refuse to sloganeer the way politics is now. And I'm not afraid to admit that I don't have all the answers. Our country's problems are messy, complex and hard. There is no three-word soundbite simple solution that will work. And we've already seen that expecting people to think is a losing proposition (or we'd have Al Gore in his second Presidential term right now instead of a bad rehash of 1984...).

An alternative I like is to have a graduated tax rate and let people decide on their returns where they want half their money to go (the other half would be used for things that are necessary but not something people think about, like highway construction, social security and the FAA... ok, maybe they'd only get to decide a third of their tax).

I guarantee we would quickly become a space-faring nation with great education and health care, and though I think there'd be enough funding for a substantial defensive military, our ego-driven wars of greed and imperialism would become a thing of the bad old days.

[AJE]

Wow Crys excellent points, I hope you'll run for 2008 presidential election! I too wish Al Gore was nominated instead of the scandal we see going on underneath our feet in the white house and the greed of war boom.


New Joke::::::::::>>>>

Artificial: the type of intelligence that makes someone a candidate for political office.

[AJE]

Obama overstates Kansas tornado deaths
Democratic presidential hopeful says ‘10,000 people died’ instead of 10

Associate Press
May 9, 2007


RICHMOND, Va. - Barack Obama, caught up in the fervor of a campaign speech, drastically overstated the Kansas tornadoes death toll, saying 10,000 had died.

The death toll was 12.

“In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed,” the Democratic presidential candidate said Tuesday in a speech to 500 people packed into a sweltering Richmond art studio for a fundraiser.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18564159/

[tjsharky]

Obama overstates Kansas tornado deaths
Democratic presidential hopeful says ‘10,000 people died’ instead of 10

Is it just me, or is Obama looking for the wrong job? With those kinds of statements, CNN should have a place for him.

[AJE]

"Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it".

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EMERGENCY EXIT

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, George W. Bush, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

George W. Bush rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am supposed to be the President of the U.S. The world needs leaders, and I think leaders should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry. The supposed leader of the free world just jumped out wearing my backpack."

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"Think about that. Two hundred and eighty-five new or expanded programs, $2 trillion more in new spending, and not one new bureaucrat to file out the forms or answer the phones?"—Minneapolis, Nov. 1, 2000

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Duhhh What was that?????

"What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.'' —George W. Bush, in Jan. 2000

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BUSH OR CHIMP

[AJE]

[AJE]