I guess you really can\'t go home again

goofycow · 09-30-2006, 10:29 PM

Hi Folks:

I originally joined this group because I was trying to find out something about my family history and about the state I was borm in. Well, maybe ignorance is bliss or maybe you really should let sleeping dogs lie(sp?) Pardon my spelling...after all I am a product of Arkansas public schools :roll:

Anyway, both sides of my family are from the Waukesha area. My grandfather on my mother's side was a brewmaster at the old Foxhead brewry and my father's side of the family farmed in waukesha county for many years. Anyway, it seems that I am still paying for the sins of my father and his father from over 50 years ago. This became especially obvious when my mother died in Decmeber and my husband died last mouth. I don't know what happened in the past before I was even born but it must have really been bad!

Anyway, is this how families operate in WI? I was looking to move to a state with more understanding and tolerant people and a better cultured atmosphere. I have always wanted to see WI as an adult. I can't remeber anything about WI from the little time I spent there as an infant. Oh well, some things are just not met to be.

Thanks for listening.

Liz

**keith** · 10-01-2006, 10:55 AM

Sorry to hear about your recent losses.

I don't understand the post, though. How are you paying for the 'sins of your fathers'?

Hope you're finding Waukesha and Wisconsin as real good places to be. I lived in Germany for a couple of years, in an area where my ancestors lived, and I felt a connection to the area. Hope you feel that, given your family history here.

Regards,
Keith

goofycow · 10-01-2006, 03:46 PM

Keith:

First of all, I am not living in the Waukesha area, I am still in Arkansas.

As for "the sins of my father", don't mean to sound like a quote from the Bible or anything, but over 100 years ago, there was some kind of split between my grandfather and the rest of a then rather prominent farming family in Waukesha county. Then my own father had his own rather colorful young adulthood there in the same area. Then my father moved to AR & I never had much contact with any of my relatives from either side of the family (Mom's or Dad's). Well, it seems some people hold grudges for a very long time. Oh well, what can I expect from the people of state that takes pride in it's weirdness?

This post probably doesn't belong on this forum or anywhere else.

Liz

pk · 10-01-2006, 08:21 PM

You have family issues and they just happen to live in Wisconsin. So there for you confuse their issues with all the people that live in this great state? We really cannot help if you don't get along with, or understand your family that just happens to live here, but please don't let that judge the rest of the good people that live here.

What if all the family members all decide to pick up and leave Wisconsin and move to maybe Illinois? Will you then blame that state for your problems?

I say give Wisconsin a chance since you mentioned you would like to check it out and wonder what it would be like to live here. Come for a vacation without contacting those that upset you. Just check out the beauty of the state and all it has to offer. You may love it here and start a whole new life. This state is way big enough to live here without ever having to see any of your relatives.

pk

Crys · 10-02-2006, 11:43 AM

I'm sorry for your losses.

Waukesha county is big enough that you can live here and not run into people you know, even when you want to (let alone relatives you want to avoid). I mean, my brother works the opposite shift from me just a couple blocks away from where I work, and I hardly ever see him even though I want to! If you want to visit the area to get to know it better, odds are pretty good that you can choose whether or not to see the relatives from the other side of the split.

I won't presume to know the situation or give advice, but I think alot of families rupture for all kinds of reasons, mostly stemming from the fact that we don't get to pick our relatives like we do our friends. It's much harder to deal with a family member who is different or does something you think is wrong, than to deal with random people around you. A member of my family died at the beginning of this year and I was the one who wouldn't speak to him. The reason for it is unimportant, though I don't know that I could have done anything differently. But now I never can. I will never be able to rebuild that connection. If you think it possible, it's worth making things right with your generation of the family, even if the generation responsible for the original split won't or has all passed on.

**j10asen** · 10-03-2006, 12:34 PM

the seasons come
the seasons go
sometimes hot
somtimes cold

changes seem to come so quick
what was gained
is gone like a trick

young hearts beat fast
old hearts beat slow
love like a comet comes in a flash
but what does it sow

emotions turn throughout the day
molded like the soft clay
gratitude is no sin
don't hold that anger deep within

if you try to grasp what you've gained
it's like holding water with an open drain

pain seems to linger
while joys seems to pass
let go of what hurts today
or that thought could be your last

Home is where the heart is
your heart is your home
where ever you find yourself
look inside your home

by stoney rohde

**Kris10** · 10-03-2006, 02:09 PM

goofycow, I am also sorry to hear of your losses and rift with your family. I don't think it's necessarily a Wisconsin thing, though I do find Midwesterners to be emotionally conservative. Every family has its own dynamic and way of handling problems. It's unfortunate that your family has chosen to hold grudges versus discussing issues.

Crys is right that you can't pick your family. Thank goodness for friends! Perhaps you will develop strong friendships with some Wisconsinites that will help strengthen your ties to the state.

ToesInTheSand · 11-07-2006, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kris10

goofycow, I am also sorry to hear of your losses and rift with your family. I don't think it's necessarily a Wisconsin thing, though I do find Midwesterners to be emotionally conservative. Every family has its own dynamic and way of handling problems. It's unfortunate that your family has chosen to hold grudges versus discussing issues.

Crys is right that you can't pick your family. Thank goodness for friends! Perhaps you will develop strong friendships with some Wisconsinites that will help strengthen your ties to the state.

goofycow, I am also sorry to hear of your family probs.

Great response Kris10! I absolutely LOVE my home state of WI., and try to return every couple of years, but that can be difficult. I have been away from WI for 20 years or so, and have become accustomed to the "ways of the South", and your description of Midwesterners as "emotionally conservative" hit the nail on the head for me. Absolutely WONDERFUL people in the Midwest, but I do notice that my outright "emotionally liberal" attitude I developed over the years.....(never met a stranger ya'll!) is not accepted when I return to Cheeseland!

Even grocery store clerks look at me like I am crazy because I ask them how they're doing........ 8O :lol:
I will be out with friends and I say hi to anyone and everyone, and they pull me back and say "um, you don't know them....."
UM....Yea? So what?

I do now!!!
I find the locals up north to be fantastic people, once they let you get to know them! :P

goofycow · 11-15-2006, 12:20 PM

So, ummmmm.......how do you damn Yankees get to know people you don't already know :?: I mean if you don't say hello to strangers :?: :?: :?: I lived in Maryland for a few years in the early 70s, thought they were hard to get to know :? Then in MN, your neighbor to the west, I found those people to be downright hostile to 'outsiders'. Am I doomed to live south of the mason/Dixon line for the rest of my life 8O :cry:

Crys · 11-16-2006, 04:59 AM

Just me, I meet people through work or neighborhood businesses (like my local coffee shop), meet friends of friends, and get to know people online who turn out to live nearby.

But I'm maybe not the best example because _most_ of my friends are people I only know online who live all over the world. I don't really know that many people locally.

**Kris10** · 11-16-2006, 10:21 AM

The Internet! I've met some very nice people from the Internet, people that aren't just "online friends."

If you prefer face-to-face, joining a club or group is a way to meet like-minded people. I've also met friends through work.

rudedog · 11-16-2006, 03:18 PM

LoL, im finding this hard to believe. ive spent an extensive amount of time traveling back and forth across the country.
I,ve yet to see a hostile person in mn. they have got to be some of the most friendly people there are. im an outsider to them, and i make all kinds of friends every time i go there. especially if they are into fishing. if it wasnt so cold,and i could talk my wife into it, i would have no reason not to move there.
as far as the mason/Dixon line goes. people tend to be much friendlier on this side of the line. i guess this depends on how your attitude is when you meet them.
that may sound like im bias towards the north, but im not. im a Jackson, which means im related to half the people in the south. i spent my summers there in bama, tenn and miss as a kid. many things they concider normal there, are considered rude and abusive here.

you may have family problems, but thats not a regional thing. go ahead and move back, keep real busy, and you'll hardly ever see those relatives anyway. even if you want to reconnect to the family, give them time to become comfortable around you. then it should all be brats, beer, and family photo albums.

pk · 11-17-2006, 04:54 AM

Quote:

i guess this depends on how your attitude is when you meet them.

I'm with rudedog on this...really, how do you approach people? Sounds like you have a family issue that happens to be here and you feel all of us are to blame.

For one, grouping us all into the catagory,'damn yankees' doesn't make a whole lot of points with many. If you talk to people with the attitude that we are 'labeled' no wonder you don't get a good attitude back. Next time act like you actually 'like' people and I'm sure you will find how friendly people can be.

Come to think of it, many of the people I know are not even orginally from here. So I guess when you feel the north isn't as friendly, you are also including good people that are from the south, west, and east.

pk

ToesInTheSand · 11-18-2006, 11:47 PM

There are friendly people everywhere, and the rude really are few and far between, it doesn't matter where they are from. I tend to find that people react to YOU in how you present yourself to THEM.
It would be a shame to base an opinion on an entire state by the actions of one or two.
Every region has different "quirks"! Their use of the English language, the regional accents, food preferences, etc. I love the diversity.

As far as meeting people, just put yourself OUT THERE! Join clubs, volunteer, TALK to people. If you are shy, push yourself a little bit more.

Whenever I moved to a new area, the 1st thing I did was check the Sunday paper and looked at what was going on in the area. One of the 1st things I did was volunteer for a Thanksgiving Day "turkey fry" and dinner for a homeless shelter. I met several others working the event that also did not have family in the area for Thanksgiving and I am still friends with a couple of them to this day.

8)

pk · 11-20-2006, 05:34 AM

I feel as if I have said enough on this subject and will refrain after this post... I also think this topic is going in an incorrect way of which will feed into the 'unfriendly' feeling you think most of us have. ;(

I just want to say that I do hope that you will think over the earlier comments here. Also I do hope that you find a way to work out what issues you have with your family and I am also sorry for your losses.

I do hope that in time you will consider stopping by Wisconsin and giving everyone here a fair shake. Please don't come with the already misconcieved notion that we are all 'unfriendly'. As in all states or anywhere you go, there is such a mixture of people that have come from all over and live here now. We are not all just one 'type'.

If you do decide to visit someday, make sure you let us know and I'm sure everyone that posts on thebubbler from Wisconsin will love to tell you all the fun things to see and do when you are here.

Good luck with your future.

pk