Jokes from Our Companions

[AJE]

And God Created Dog and Cat :lol:

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to 'Where do pets come from?'

Adam said, 'Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.'And God said 'No problem. I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and it wagged its tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog.'

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.'

And the Lord said, 'No problem. I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't care one way or the other.

[AJE]

How Many Dogs does it take to Change a Light Bulb?

1. GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worring about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. DACHSHUND: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. ROTTWEILER: Make Me.

5. BOXER: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. LAB: Ohh, Me, Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeze, Please, Please, Please!

7. GERMAN SHEPHERD: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

10. COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. CHIHUAHUA: We don't need no stinking light bulb.

12. GREYHOUND: It isn't moving. Who cares?

13. AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

14. POODLE: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.


HOW MANY CATS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

-->Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner and a massage?"